♪ it may not be the romance that you had in mind but you could learn to love me given time ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: thank you, guys! sting, nice job! thank you. good job. i want to thank you my guests, anthony hopkins and of course sting. tomorrow night liam hemsworth will be here. but jimmy fallon happening right now. jimmy! ♪

>> steve: from studio 6a in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh that's fantastic.

that's what i'm talking about. thank you all very much. hot crowd right there. great new york city crowd. welcome. [ cheers and applause ] welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon." you guys feeling good tonight? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, here's what people are talking about. yesterday, kenyan runner geoffrey mutai, geoffrey mutai took just two hours and eight minutes to win the new york city marathon. [ cheers and applause ] two hours. not to be outdone, i spent more than four hours on the couch watching a "duck dynasty" marathon. [ laughter ] thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: big marathon fan. >> jimmy: yeah. let's see what's going on in washington. president obama gave his weekly address on saturday and of course he talked about the economy. in fact, he said he'll do anything to increase job growth which got weird when he looked directly into the camera and he said, and i mean anything. [ laughter ] ♪

speaking of obama, it turns out that obamacare is surprisingly popular with prostitutes. which is true. because it's much cheaper than traditional insurance plans. i guess that explains its new name, hobamacare. [ laughter and applause ] very interesting name. >> steve: hobamacare. >> jimmy: just leave your co-pay on the dresser. [ laughter ] >> steve: oh snap! >> jimmy: guys, we have arizona senator john mccain on the show tonight! [ cheers and applause ] love that guy. we're going to talk to him about the government shutdown, obamacare and of course his surprise third place finish at yesterday's new york city marathon. >> steve: really? >> jimmy: here's some pretty -- pretty important week for our pal, new jersey governor chris christie. we love governor christie. well he's hoping to win re-election tomorrow and polls show he's winning by a 19-point

margin. christie was really excited to hear that, but only because he thought someone said margarine. [ laughter ] 19 pints of margarine, i'll take one. what is it? [ laughter ] no. >> steve: margarine! butter. >> jimmy: christie was really working hard on the campaign. in fact i heard he spent all weekend shaking hands and kissing bagels. >> steve: bagels! [ laughter ] >> that's right, baby. oh, it's an everything baby. justin bieber is in the news again for doing something crazy. this time he was actually was spotted leaving a brothel on friday while he was on tour. which got even worse when bieber was like, they were just teaching me how to sign up for obamacare. [ laughter ] that's what i was leaving the brothel. everything is all right. [ applause ] this next story is totally real. gosh, why, gosh, i love boston. on saturday, the red sox had their big world series parade in

boston. [ cheers and applause ] congratulations to them. but later that night, first baseman mike napoli was actually photographed walking around the city alone, drunk and shirtless. this is a real photo. look at him. [ laughter ] cigarette hanging out of his mouth. anyways, when people in boston saw that they were like must have just come from a wedding. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: the eagles had a good day yesterday. did you guys see that game? [ cheers ] >> philly, philly, the roots. philly. big story there, eagles quarterback nick foles who tied an nfl record by throwing seven touchdown passes in a single game against the oakland raiders. yeah. foles said he couldn't have done it without the help from the team and then the raiders said, well, you're welcome. [ laughter and applause ] no problem. we'd do it again if you want to.

this isn't good. it is that heard kellogg's cereal is cutting 7% of its work force because of low revenue or as one guy put it, not great. [ laughter ] tony the tiger. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: this is -- this is nice. over the weekend oprah auctioned off dozens of her personal belongings for charity. though things got a little weird when someone pointed at stedman and oprah was like, 20 bucks. [ laughter ] for charity. >> steve: charity. >> jimmy: did you hear about this, apparently guy fieri's lamborghini was stolen and -- [ laughter ] laugh at his lamborghini was stolen. guy fieri's lamborghini was stolen as part of the car thief's trial, fieri was called to testify in court. and you know how they do the courtroom sketches on news reports, local news, look at this sketch of fieri in that courtroom artist. >> max wade is on trial for stealing fieri's car in 2011 in a brazen robbery from a san

francisco dealership. he is also accused of -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you know it's bad when your cartoon hair style looks better than your actual hair style. [ laughter ] just kidding, guy. big weekend at the movies. especially for harrison ford's movie "ender's game" based on the book came in at number one at the box office with $28 million. some people are hoping the popularity of the movie will encourage kids to get into reading and then kids were like, good thing we already saw the movie. [ laughter and applause ] this is pretty incredible. actually i just read about this guy that just drove from new york to california in a record 28 hours and 50 minutes. yeah. apparently the car he used has three gas tanks, several radar detectors and a bunch of mountain dew bottles that you do not want to drink from. [ laughter ] it's the same color. just don't -- >> steve: this is warm.

>> jimmy: oh, yeah. mountain don't, know what i'm saying? and finally a couple in utah was in the news today after they made a rap video to tell their friends and family that they're having a baby. or as the baby put it, well, it sounds like i'm white. there you go. we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hey, welcome to our show, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] it's going to be fun tonight. thank you for watching. first i have to talk about this. did you see this, higgins, over the weekend? this is really funny. as you know every friday we've been doing superlatives for the nfl. now, these are like high school yearbook stuff, like best looking, most talented, but we do it for professional football players. we make jokes and stuff about them and we did one of the superlatives we did on friday was for griff whalen from the indianapolis colts.

and take a look at this superlative we gave griff. >> jimmy: we have griff whalen. he was voted most likely to do jazz hands after scoring a touchdown. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: so we did that on friday, right. i guess one of his teammates coby fleener decided to burn him a little bit. you got to watch this. right after coby scores and then number 17 griff jazz hands whalen was right next to him. just watch this. >> and that pass is going to be pulled in by fleener. >> oh, my gosh. >> across the formation. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he totally did it. coby fleener did it. [ applause ] thank you, coby for doing that. it made me laugh. and thank you, griff, for being a good sport. thank you. colts, indianapolis. i missed that. it was fun, wasn't it?

we had a good time. it's a start of a new week. we're thrilled to be back and we have some big shows coming up for you. we have jason statham, rachel maddow and natalie portman will all be here. plus lucy liu stopping by tomorrow night. we're going to play catch phrase. and we got some fantastic music and talk from m.i.a. so it's a big week for us here. [ cheers and applause ] tune in. all fun stuff. but first, from the hit show "the mentalist," simon baker is here tonight! [ cheers and applause ] he's a good man. i'm going to challenge simon to a fun drinking game called "stump." it involves a tree stump. and we're so happy to have him back. senator john mccain will be joining us. [ cheers and applause ] and we have music from the dismemberment plan. it's a good show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] guys, i don't know if you heard about this but katy perry has just passed justin bieber to become the most popular person on twitter with more than

46.4 million followers. wow. and you know, i was looking at some of her tweets and i noticed they're getting crazy like retweets. like, that's when you see something, you retweet to all your -- like this one right here she tweeted out, "happy thursday, everyone." look at that over 8,000 retweets. "happy thursday, everyone." >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: i think that was like yesterday. is wasn't even on thursday. >> steve: no. [ laughter ] >> steve: no one cares. >> jimmy: she doesn't live by the rules. >> steve: she's like a firework. >> jimmy: so we thought it would be fun to have one of our writers, arthur, tweet out the exact same thing as katy perry once every day this week, and then see who gets more retweets him or writer arthur or katy perry. let's bring him out and see how he did. arthur? ♪ >> jimmy: how are you, man? i like you hair. very, very nice. arthur, welcome back on our show. we did this once with justin bieber. >> yes, we did. >> jimmy: and that went really well. >> it did, yeah.

i started off with, like, two retweets on the first day and then by the end of the week i had like a lot more. >> jimmy: yeah, you did, yeah. and that dwindled since? >> it has. i lost about 2,000 followers in the last couple months. i think because i'm not really tweeting about justin bieber at all. >> jimmy: yeah, at all. nothing. you should just tweet him a couple times. >> yeah, i know, right. >> jimmy: we're doing this now with katy perry and what tweet did you go with? >> okay, well i was looking through her twitter account and i saw she tweeted, "woke up with a heart full of gratitude." >> jimmy: woke up with a heart full of gratitude. >> so today i also tweeted woke up with a heart full of gratitude. >> jimmy: okay. that's very good. how many retweets did katy perry get for that? [ drum roll ] >> she got 16,611 retweets. >> jimmy: wow. that's a lot of retweets. and how many did you get, arthur? [ drum roll ] >> i got one. ♪ [ applause ] >> jimmy: one retweet. >> one retweet. >> jimmy: one retweet.

man oh, man. for one person, that was pretty cool to retweet that. i love that. that's not bad. now, did you actually wake up with a heart full of gratitude? >> no. >> jimmy: all right, very good. thank you arthur. we'll check back in with you tomorrow. arthur meyer, everybody. we'll be right back with new iphone apps. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance. everybody knows that. well, did you know that when a tree falls in the forest and no one's around, it does make a sound? ohhh...ohhh...oh boy! i'm falling. everybody look out! ahhhhh...ugh. little help here. geico. fifteen minutes could save you...well, you know. anybody? there are cameras,, police, guards...ds us. but who looks after us online, where we spend more than 200 billion dollars a year.

american express can help protect you. with intelligent security that learns your spending patterns, and can alert you instantly to an unusual charge. so you can be a member of a more secure world. this is what membership is. this is what membership does.

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. welcome back. yeah! [ cheers ] thank you for watching. thank you for being here. you know, the new iphone 5s was released last month. my favorite part about the iphone is the apps. i love the apps. and we here at "late night," we actually got a sneak peek at some of the new iphone apps that have yet to be released. oh, man. [ light laughter ] you guys want to see them? [ cheers and applause ] hook up my phone -- >> steve: oh, look at that. >> jimmy: to the old -- >> steve: blue tooth. >> jimmy: to the old itunes. >> steve: there you go. [ light laughter ] make sure the cord -- there you go right in the -- >> jimmy: perfect. all right. here we go. [ laughter ] oh, all right. look at this first one here. everyone likes instagram, those

things like that, those photo apps like instagram. look at this new one here called -- sorry. wasn't recognizing my finger. [ light laughter ] this one is called photobama. how it works is you take a picture of yourself and this app makes it look like you've been photo bombed by president obama. let me try it out. i'll just take a picture of myself here. [ click ] clearly just took that. there i am. but now you push this button right here and your picture gets photobama'ed. [ click ] photobama'ed right there. a very useful app. let's go back to the home screen. [ applause ] now, this next one is very interesting. it's called axl rose relaxation tapes. finally you can be lulled to the soothing sounds of guns 'n roses front man, axl rose. now, we've shown you this one before. but they just came out with a bunch of new tracks for it. this one here is "mountain stream." [ running water ]

♪ oh, mountain stream listen to the water as it rises on the rock ♪ ♪ splish splash splish splishy splishy splash ♪ ♪ lookie look guys there's a bear with a fish ♪ ♪ take a nap >> jimmy: take a nap. >> steve: take a nap. >> jimmy: so soothing. >> steve: soothing. >> jimmy: take a nap. >> steve: you can see a bear with a fish -- >> jimmy: let's try another one here. this is "crunching leaves." ♪ oh, crunching leaves walking on leaves as they're falling off the trees ♪ ♪ then you rake them in a pile and you jump in the leaves ♪ ♪ and then you put them in a pumpkin trash bag ♪ ♪ take a nap [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: put them in a pumpkin trash bag. >> steve: oh, pumpkin trash bag. >> jimmy: yeah, pumpkin -- you know, the giant pumpkin trash bags? >> steve: i thought he said, "funky trash bag." >> jimmy: no, no, no. "funky trash bag" was my first album. >> steve: oh, that was your first album. it was fantastic. i loved it. tracks two and three were great. >> jimmy: "funky trash bag." ♪ >> steve: get funky.

♪ trash bag >> jimmy: now, this next app is cool. this is called "reiser punch." now, basically how it works, is you tap on the screen and the app simulates you punching comedian, paul reiser. i don't know why anyone would want to punch paul reiser. he's great. and we love him. but let's try it. it's just an app. so i'll just tap the screen here by his gut on the bottom of the screen. [ punching noise ] [ light laughter ] let me try swiping the screen. almost like a slap. [ slapping noise ] [ laughter ] i wonder what happens if you keep swiping. [ slapping noises ] ♪ wow, look at him dance. [ applause ] bruised reiser, everybody. bruised reiser. look at him dance. [ applause ] >> steve: there you go. that's an underwater app. >> jimmy: this next app is cool. this is called emoji charades. you guys know emojis? they're these little cartoon emoticons that people text to each other.

they're like faces, animals, all different objects. it's really fun. now, how this game works is you send a series of emojis -- get sent to you and you have to guess what these symbolize. so, let's play. here we go. okay, there's a tv. and a glass of red wine. i don't know. tv now called -- "cheers." >> steve: "cheers." >> jimmy: oh, no. kathie lee and hoda. i get it now. >> steve: i get it now. >> jimmy: let me try one more clue here. bicycle and a ball? i give up. lance armstrong. >> steve: oh, lance armstrong. >> jimmy: oh, i don't get it. all right. very good. let's go back to the home screen. i don't get it. i don't know how to play that. >> steve: he rides around and around. >> jimmy: i don't know -- he has -- all right. this next app is cool. it's called wax alan rickman. [ light laughter ] basically how it works is, you swipe your finger across the screen to wax the chest of legendary screen actor, alan rickman. let's try it. sounds good. all right. [ laughter ] first you tap on the screen

where you want the waxing strip to go. >> steve: okay. >> jimmy: right there, right in the mid. now you just swipe the screen to wax his chest. [ ripping ] >> ouch. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's fun. let me try another spot. how about this one over here? [ light laughter ] it's going to be painful right there. >> steve: going to be painful. >> jimmy: let's wax. >> hairy -- -- potter! >> jimmy: let's go back to the home screen. this last app is a came called miley cyrus fly catcher. basically, how it works is a bunch of flies buzz around miley cyrus' head. and you earn points by catching them with her tongue. let's try. here we go. let me just type my name so we can save my score. type my name in here. here we go. [ laughter ] let's play miley cyrus fly catcher. [ buzzing ] [ slurping ] [ burping ]

whoa! miley cyrus! cool! thos are the new iphone apps. we'll be right back with simon baker, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ fourth down coach, what do we do?

i'll tell you what we do. i want you to go out on the field and look for anything with an "o". we will win this for mother russia! coach, eat a snickers®. why's that, chief? you get a little loopy when you're hungry. better? better. now let's go for it! [ male announcer ] you're not you when you're hungry®. snickers® satisfies. [ male announcer ] you're not you when you're hungry®. is your hair so dry... it's for the birds? discover the all-new look of triple nutrition from garnier fructis for a total transformation. the nourishing formula restores hair with every use.

get touchable-softness and spectacular shine. fructis triple nutrition oson, you have to stop sharings devery little thing on your phone. eggs are eggs, jeremy. who wants to see that? what's next, the butter and the bread? i'm getting hungry. you want something to eat? yeah, fix me. oh, i'll take a picture of it first! yeah, let me get the camera! t-mobile's nation wide data covers over 100 countries at no extra charge. go to catchjeremy.com to enter for a chance to win a trip around the world.

i want you to know stuff i want you to be kind. i want you to be smart. super smart. i want one thing in a doctor. i want you to be handsome. i want you to be awesome. i don't want you to look at the chart before you say hi...david. i want you to return my emails. i want you to keep me doing this for another sixty years. at kaiser permanente, we want you to choose the doctor that's right for you. find your perfect match at kp.org and thrive. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is an emmy and golden globe nominated actor who stars in the hit show "the mentalist," which airs sundays at 10:00 p.m. on cbs. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome simon baker!

♪ [ applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, my friend. it has been a while. >> it has been. i think it was like you had only just started. >> jimmy: yeah, 2009, i think when i first saw you. >> look at you now. >> jimmy: look at me now. old, i have a baby. >> where's your earring? >> jimmy: i got my ear pierced. >> yeah? >> jimmy: yeah. it's out now. i let it close up this weekend. >> is there a dot there? >> jimmy: there's a dot. that's a freckle, yeah. no. that's a -- that's a -- i had harrison ford pierce my ear on friday. i don't know if you guys saw this, but it really happened. he pierced it with a needle and i freaked out. like it freaked me out, it scared me. >> i had one about early 20s. >> jimmy: did you really? where -- >> three days. >> jimmy: you had it for three days? >> yeah. >> jimmy: did harrison ford pierce your ear? >> no, he didn't. >> jimmy: that's the only way i

know how to do it. get indiana jones do it. >> i had like a drunk roommate and frozen peas. >> jimmy: wait. what did they do? did they freeze it with the frozen peas? >> frozen peas out of the freezer. >> jimmy: yeah? numb it up. >> numb it up. couple of those to numb the soul up. apparently you have to sterilize the safety pin. i used a safety pin. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> over a flame. >> jimmy: simon, no. >> but the safety pin went charcoal black. >> jimmy: yeah, of course. >> and then i put it through. and just did this -- hurt so much that i let -- it pops. did you feel it? it goes pop pop. >> jimmy: i didn't remember what was going on and i was freaking out. i heard a lot of those pops. i didn't know what was going on. i thought my brain was freaking out. i lost it. >> i just left the safety pin in for maybe three days and i looked like the guy from the bronski beat. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. bronski beat. we only had our choice of one earring on the show and i made

harrison. because he has an earring as well i, made him wear the same earring so we both wore the same feather earring. it was really nice. [ laughter ] right there. he's a good man for doing that. [ applause ] yeah. you're got to have harrison ford do it. >> yeah, i'll check it out next time. >> jimmy: yeah, exactly, next time. in australia did you have all the american movies? did you have "star wars" and "indiana jones?" >> yeah, we had the movies. i didn't live near a movie theater, so i got television and movies. i grew up on a lot of old american television. >> jimmy: you did? >> yeah. >> jimmy: like which ones? >> i get home from school there would be "happy days," "gilligan's island," "hogan's heroes." >> jimmy: yeah, when you got home from school? >> yeah. >> jimmy: really, you'd see "happy days?" >> yes. >> jimmy: that's years ago. >> i know. it was a pretty cheap tv set. >> jimmy: yeah, very good. they're quality shows. i mean, the fonz. >> my favorite. >> jimmy: that's the best. >> what's your favorite episode?

>> jimmy: my favorite episode when he says -- he has to say he's wrong. >> that's the best one. >> jimmy: i'll do it. >> i still do it. i say it to my wife to this day. >> jimmy: do you really? >> the same way. >> jimmy: that's my favorite episode. the fonz can't say he's wrong. i love henry winkler, one of my favorite humans. >> i see him occasionally near where i live. i run into him. he's a very friendly, very generous guy. he's always like, love your work. i always get a little star struck. >> jimmy: you do? you have to. he's henry winkler. he's the fonz. >> and then he was at a wedding that i was at, and i had a couple drinks. >> jimmy: yeah, good for you. >> and he was chatting and i said, i had to do -- it was the most embarrassing thing i had to tell him how formative he was in my teenage years. i said, you taught me how to -- as my kids would say now, how to have swagger. >> jimmy: yeah. because now you became cool through the fonz. yeah, absolutely. did you -- i heard that at parties especially, you do a good mick jagger. >> where did you hear that? >> jimmy: naomi watts.

>> i'm going to kill her. >> jimmy: yeah, she told us that. >> i used to. i used to do it. you know, i mean -- >> jimmy: was that your idol growing up, the fonz and mick jagger? >> my stepfather had a reel-to-reel music player, you know the old reel-to-reel thing? >> jimmy: yeah. >> and he had rolled gold, which was like the cheap compilation version you could get from like the equivalent of kmart back in the day. >> jimmy: i never heard of that record, rolled gold. >> because it was not officially released. >> jimmy: weird bootlegger could have gotten arrested. but you used to do a mick jagger running around? >> i used to do it to pick up chicks. >> jimmy: you used to pick up chicks? >> yeah. >> jimmy: can you do a little mick jagger? i'll do one with you. >> what do you wt to mick-off? >> jimmy: yeah, we'll have a mick-off. [ cheers ] i don't care. i got my ear pierced on friday. i don't care anymore. i'm young cool and hip. bruce, can we get a beat? we'll have a little mick-off. ♪

♪ [ applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: that's good right there. [ applause ] you beat me right there. >> it's a surprised look. stopping surprise. >> jimmy: stopping and surprise. i forget about that move. it's such a good mick. god, i should have worked harder. i should have worked harder. i got to do my homework with you, man. exactly, i'm a little winded. >> whew! "the mentalist" season six, what's going down this season? >> red john is going down. >> jimmy: he is going down. that's good.

[ applause ] >> jimmy: you had enough. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you couldn't take it anymore? red john. yeah, this is a whole thing. >> you got to do it i think. >> jimmy: yeah, and it's going to go down at the end of the season? >> nope. >> jimmy: oh, no? >> it's going to go down very soon. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh wow, that's very interesting. now i'm on the edge of my seat. all right, good, that's a good little spoiler alert. it just snuck up on me. is that -- it's not really a spoiler, it's more of a teaser isn't it? >> i hope it's not a spoiler. >> jimmy: no, not a spoiler. >> in about three episodes. >> jimmy: that's a spoiler. that's a spoiler. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: i want to --since i lost the mick-off, i would like to -- >> i don't think you lost it, man. >> jimmy: i did. i want to win at something. i want to win fair and square. i want to challenge you to a game and this is a game of skill and this is a game of wonderment and a game of drinking. would you like to play "stump"? >> yeah. >> jimmy: all right. good. all right good. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: simon baker and i are playing "stump" when we get back! we're gonna play "stump!" [ applause ] ♪

-really! -is it really??? -no way! [ jim koch ] why are these people surprised? they just found out they were secretly tasting sam adams boston lager. it's got a good color. it's got a good hoppy smell to it, it's got a good body. it's very smooth. i like that. smooth but it does have flavor. you were drinking sam adams boston lager. oh, really? you definitely got me. it's a good taste. it's smooth. it's really good. this is the best day ever. i obviously was selling myself short by not even considering this as a possibility.

how do you react when you first see this? it looks kind of like a dancer? reality check: some 4g lte coverage maps don't really look like maps. seems like maybe... a bunch of berries. this one feels more empty. what do you see here? clearly a picture of the united states. check the map. verizon's superfast 4g lte is the most reliable, and in more places than any other 4g network. i should switch to verizon immediately. that's powerful. verizon. the lg g2: featuring an intuitive rear-key design and 13-megapixel camera. avo: thesales event "sis back. drive" which means it's never been easier to get a new passat, awarded j.d. power's most appealing midsize car, two years in a row. and right now you can drive one home for practically just your signature. get zero due at signing, zero down,

zero deposit, and zero first month's payment on any new 2014 volkswagen. hurry, this offer ends december 2nd. for details, visit vwdealer.com today bold can be testing your limits and defying all odds. and now, bold can be found at subway. fiery footlongs: a revolution in bold taste. sizzlin' subs like the new sriracha chicken melt. drizzled in our own signature sriracha, made with a select blend of chili peppers for our boldest flavor yet. get yours and get to theaters november 22nd for the hunger games: catching fire. subway. be bold. eat fresh.

for the hunger games: catching fire. when ouwe got a subaru.s born, it's where she said her first word. (little girl) no! saw her first day of school. (little girl) bye bye! made a best friend forever. the back seat of my subaru is where she grew up. what? (announcer) the subaru forester. (girl) what? (announcer) motor trend's two thousand fourteen sport utility of the year. love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru.

♪ [ applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. i'm here with simon baker right over there. "the mentalist." [ cheers and applause ] we're going to play a game called "stump." here's how it works. if you have a tree stump at home you can play this game. you have a stump, you have two nails and two hammers. now the object of the game is to be the first to hit your opponent's nail all the way into the stump. you earn hits of the other person's nail by flipping your hammer and catching it. so that was one. that equals one hit. [ applause ] >> easy target. >> jimmy: under the leg is two hits. i will not try that. and behind the back if you catch it, you get three hits of the other guy's nail. okay. since this is traditionally a drinking game we have cups of beer. >> because this is traditionally a drinking game. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so what we have to do here -- and so you're my best friend. >> cheers.

[ laughter ] >> i really like you. >> jimmy: yeah, you're not even drinking yet. that's bad if you drink apparently. >> okay. >> jimmy: now if you drop your hammer you drink if you miss the nail you drink. since we have beer and hammers we'll also be wearing helmets and goggles. safety is sexy. and these are the only helmets we can get, weirdly enough. >> do you have to strap on? [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: you don't have to strap on. ♪ [ whistles ] >> jimmy: how come mine looks worse than yours? something is wrong with mine. okay. [ laughter ] all right, here we go. all right, here we go. let's see what we can do here. simon, you're our guest so you can go first. >> i don't know which hand. >> jimmy: okay. that's one hit right there. go big. [ cheers and applause ] that's impressive. [ applause ]

>> oh. >> jimmy: that's all right. you're going to ruin your watch. oh! [ cheers and applause ] >> don't miss it. >> jimmy: i'm not going to. oh! [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] i'm going to lose. i know i'm bad. [ laughter ] okay. good. >> you know, i really like how competitive you are. >> jimmy: just come on and win. go man. [ laughter ] >> steve: oh, my god. >> little tom jones in there. >> jimmy: yeah, you're little tom jones. >> whoa! [ audience ohs ]

>> come on, jimmy! [ applause ] >> jimmy: you're that confident? you're that confident? [ cheers and applause ] >> that's it. >> jimmy: is that it right there? is that the win? that's the win. >> that's not in. >> jimmy: right there. ladies and gentlemen --thank you, brother. "the mentalist" airs sundays at 10:00 p.m. on cbs. senator john mccain joins us next. oh, my gosh. [ applause ] ♪ [ female announcer ] in the moments that matter most...

you need more from your antiperspirant. that's why we created degree clinical active clean. better odor protection than secret clinical. so you can do more. degree clinical. so you can do more. every gentleman knows, that his name is as good as his word. so when he gives his name to something, whether it be his work, an idea or a passion, that something must be exceptional.

one family has given their name to crafting the finest vodka. ketel one. gentlemen, this is vodka. mike's being healthy and chewing like a man. with one-a-day vitacraves for men! it's a gummy multivitamin... with more b vitamins, which help convert food to energy, and help mike do manly things, like wrestle bears and take out the garbage. get $2 off at oneaday.com.

mom swaps one of my snacks for a yoplait. i don't mind, i mean it's orange crème. and when mom said bobby was too edgy... 'sup girl. i just swapped him out for tyler. 'sup girl. mom never questioned bobby again. two can play at this game. [ female announcer ] swap one snack a week for a yoplait. and everybody wins. yoplait. it is so good.

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a united states senator from the state of arizona and a former republican presidential nominee, as well as a decorated vietnam war hero and prisoner of war. we don't often get genuine american heroes on our show. so we're thrilled to have him back. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the honorable, senator john mccain, everybody.

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: senator mccain, welcome back to our show. i haven't seen you in a while. >> it's good to be back with you. i'm going to wear one of those helmets back to washington. >> jimmy: yeah. [ light laughter ] they're really catching on. a lot of people -- yeah. >> great job. you got hammered. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i literally got hammered, yeah. >> i know. >> jimmy: exactly. at least i didn't get nailed. >> quite the conversation. >> jimmy: it is -- yeah it does. i was doing research on you and reading a bunch of stuff on you and you were kind of like a hell-raiser growing up. >> a bit. >> jimmy: you had these great nicknames. "punk" was your nickname. >> yep, mm hmm. >> jimmy: "masty." >> yeah. >> jimmy: mcnasty. >> yes. i still carry those in the senate. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. they call you mcnasty, yeah, absolutely. that's a good nickname right there. were you a punk growing up? >> yeah.

that old adage about "a fight not joined is a fight not enjoyed," is something i kept for a long time. >> jimmy: any other nicknames that stick that i don't know about? >> white tornado. >> jimmy: white tornado? >> yeah. >> jimmy: that sounds like a frozen mixed drink at a sandals resort. "i will have two white tornadoes," please, yeah. why did they call you white tornado? >> um, i'm not sure. >> jimmy: yeah. no. >> in 2008, "jerk," "idiot." [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, no. >> loser. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. no way. not in our -- >> by the way, congratulations on your baby. >> jimmy: aw, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] thank you very much. you know how good it feels. >> i know exactly how that is. after i lost, running for president i slept like a baby. >> jimmy: did you really? good for you. you know exactly how it is. >> sleep two hours, wake up and cry. sleep two hours, wake up and cry. [ audience aws ] >> jimmy: how sad. how sad. >> yeah. >> jimmy: how is it getting along with president obama?

i know you work closely with him? >> good. >> jimmy: it's fine? >> we have a good relationship. we try to work for the good of the country. i, obviously -- we have different philosophies. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but on an issue such as comprehensive immigration reform, we are in agreement. and i think that there's a little bit too much of this partisanship and maybe we ought to try to find ways to work together, at least that's the opinion of most americans. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i agree with you. something. something. >> yeah. >> jimmy: get in there. >> tweets. >> jimmy: it's all about the tweeting. >> it's all about tweeting. >> jimmy: by the way, great work with that phone, by the way. i got to say, one of my favorite things -- i couldn't even believe -- i wish i had your emails. >> playing poker. playing poker, yeah. shut up and deal. >> jimmy: what was it? it was a senate hearing. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and it was what, three hours? >> boring. >> jimmy: it was boring. [ laughter ] like, boring and somebody -- somebody got a photo of you playing video poker on your iphone right there. >> yeah.

[ light laughter ] >> jimmy: and you were playing video poker. >> and i was winning. [ laughter ] that's what -- >> jimmy: is that one of your games? is that what you play? >> yeah. i'm up to $19 million. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. that is so real. >> unfortunately, unfortunately. >> jimmy: that's not real. >> but i have 1.8 million followers and it's @senatorjohnmccain. so follow me on twitter. >> jimmy: we will follow you on twitter. katy perry, if you're watching, retweet one of senator john mccain -- >> and if you have trouble sleeping, follow me on twitter. >> jimmy: is it like a tweet amby? >> they'll be -- [ snoring ] >> jimmy: like a sleeping pill. yeah, exactly. it's -- >> @senatorjohnmccain. >> jimmy: okay, good. some of these people can follow you on there. >> i've tweeted once. a few years ago, i wrote to my friend vladimir putin, you know, we're very close. >> jimmy: of course, you guys -- >> i said, "dear vlad, the arab spring is coming to a neighborhood near you." i got back all these tweets in russian. and so i asked this guy to come

over who translates. i'm telling you, i did not know there were that many four-letter words in the english language. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> and so -- >> jimmy: you didn't mess with vladimir putin, though. >> at least vlad -- i like to call him vlad. >> jimmy: don't we all? >> i think vlad follows me on twitter. >> jimmy: does he really? >> yeah, i think he reads my tweets. i'm not sure. >> jimmy: somebody probably reads it for him. [ imitating putin ] "i don't read tweet. people read tweet for me. [ light laughter ] right now they're tweeting with the fishes somewhere." i was going to say, if there is anything we can do about this obamacare thing, is there anything we can do? are we on the right track if i mean -- >> it's -- you know, why they had to use 1990s technology on -- or maybe they used technology that calvin coolidge and i used to use together. >> jimmy: no, you're not that old, senator mccain. i love you're always the first one there. >> in your head, you didn't know who calvin coolidge was. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they can google on their phones right now. >> you can look it up.

>> jimmy: i know who he is. he's fashion designer, makes great underwear. [ laughter ] i know who he is. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i know who he is. >> little tight. >> jimmy: form fitting. but they're fantastic. breathable. >> we're not taking that one any further. >> jimmy: no, appreciate that. thank you for not doing that. >> they used the wrong technology. and obviously that part is going to be fixed, but in a moment of seriousness, we're talking about one-fifth of america's economy. you really -- this is a -- this is a very complex and difficult issue and obviously, it's not working. but we republicans need to think of ways to fix it and give our agenda. okay? >> jimmy: of course. >> you have to have a positive agenda. ask what we want to do about health care in america. and we gotta start doing that. we love having you on the show. thank you for your service. and thank you for -- >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: senator john mccain right there. the dismemberment plan performance after the break. come on back, everybody.

[ cheers and applause ] ♪

to those who've waited... worried... poked and prodded... taken risks... and lived in a state of "what if?"... welcome to a new state... of health. welcome to covered california. the place to find quality, affordable coverage. financial help for those in need. and nobody can be denied because of a pre-existing condition. enroll now at coveredca.com.

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guests are a beloved an influential band from washington, d.c., who reunited on our show back in 2011. they just released "uncanny valley" their first new album in 12 years. please welcome back the dismemberment plan! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

♪ growing up i never knew why daddy was so depressed he always paid his interest but he never got ♪ ♪ out of debt if i saw him now i guess i'd feel real old i had my baby girl ♪ ♪ in a place of rock n' roll daddy, daddy was a real good dancer ♪ ♪ that's what everybody'd say daddy, daddy was a real good dancer ♪ ♪ until he had me, and then he threw his dancing shoes away ♪ ♪ i got a photograph of daddy but don't mean he's here ♪ ♪ lost behind a moustache and a tank top and

a beer ♪ ♪ well i guess i get better too but nothing no one says is true ♪ ♪ dancing to a dancing beat i call them daddy's happy feet ♪ ♪ daddy, daddy was a real good dancer ♪ ♪ that's what everybody'd say daddy, daddy was a real good dancer ♪ ♪ until he had me and then he threw his dancing shoes away ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ when i finally laid my cold and creaky bones to rest ♪ ♪ i hope i'm not a mystery to those who knew me best but if all my eulogies are all corny fantasies ♪ ♪ i'll just put on my favorite groove cause that's what we would always do ♪ ♪ daddy, daddy was a real good dancer that's what everybody'd say daddy, daddy was ♪ ♪ a real good dancer until he had me and then he threw his

dancing shoes away ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey! thank you very much. good to see you again, buddy. the dismemberment plan! "uncanny valley" the name of the album in stores right now. visit late night with jimmyfallon.com with an exclusive bonus performance from the band. my thanks to simon baker, senator john mccain, the dismemberment plan! [ cheers and applause ] great, buddy. and the greatest band in late night the roots, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "carson daly." thank you for watching. have a good night. hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪